wish upon a bottlecap

by rorie kelly

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about

Wish Upon a Bottlecap is the full-length debut of independent singer/songwriter/conquistadora rorie kelly. rorie is a female musician hailing from various places on Long Island, various boroughs of NYC, and wherever else her banged-up little Toyota will take her.

Spanning 10 years of songwriting, the subject matter of Wish Upon A Bottlecap is both personal and political. rorie explores love and relationships with the heartfelt reflection often found in Jackson Browne songs, but she also turns a serious and critical eye on the homogenized culture of America today, and what it's like growing up inside of it. The songs American Daydream and Sincere shed some light on what it's like for a woman to try to come into her own in what is still a male-dominated industry.

Wish Upon A Bottlecap was co-produced by rorie kelly and Kevin Kelly. Kevin is a seasoned producer, engineer, and gearhead who has a soft spot for John Levanthal guitar arrangements and an ear towards what is current in an ever-changing soundscape. rorie was influenced by the riot grrl movement, is into rawness and screaming, and, incidentally, wants to own everything Chris Walla has ever produced. The two of them had a freaking blast making this record.

credits

released August 31, 2010

All songs © rorie kelly; all songs produced by kevin kelly and rorie kelly.

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about

rorie kelly New York

rorie kelly is on a quest to bring her songs to ears around the world through the cunning use of the internet and a small blue Toyota with over 200,000 miles on it.

rorie writes songs that are melodic and catchy but more thoughtful and introspective than the average pop tune. Her vocals are bigger than you would expect out of her small body and her guitar playing is powerful and percussive.
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Track Name: american daydream
this american daydream wrapped me up in gauze & paint
it gave me a relapse, said i liked it better that way
& that may be true i thought but it shouldn't be that way
so where do i go with the ripped IV dangling from my vein?

i don't care what you say to me
it's easy it's easy it's easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from

these conversations have been telling in many ways
but they are not pushing me closer to my goals
& this pile of parking tickets & bills in my face
are making me think i should just do as i'm told

i don't care what you say to me
it's easy it's easy it's easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from

five, six, seven, eight, i can think of better ways
to make me like you, than to tell me that i'm pretty
one, two, three, four, i'm not gonna fall for
any of this because i know myself too well

these american bad boys think they've got one over on me
they come with their red sharpies to make editor's marks on my body

i don't care what you say to me
it's easy it's easy it's easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from

i don't care what you say to me
it's easy it's easy it's easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from this
Track Name: quick diagnosis
& when i cried that day
it did not reflect the greater need to medicate
it was because i was thinking
& conclusions sometimes hurt

for an eighth grade girl who's just beginning to realize
that just 'cause something's stupid doesn't mean that it's not there
just 'cause i don't need to be pretty doesn't mean i don't care
just 'cause everyone goes through it doesn't mean that i'm not there

& then the theories came
after invitations to unburden myself on you
because i could tell you anything
you said that i could tell you anything

but i like the rain so it must mean that i'm lonely
and the need for pain must mean that it's the only
thing that i wanna feel like it was an addiction
because self-exploration is sometimes an affliction

& the tv & the magazines all say
you can make it all just go away
seems like you need something to get you through the day
& isn't that just what you meant to say?
so are you ready to give yourself up now?

oh generation of
guinea pigs, of blind compliance
with a quick diagnosis
& an easier fix

i sing requiems for what we might've been but
we're not too concerned

& my newly sparkling friends all say
you can make it all just go away
just when you needed something to get you through the day &
isn't that just what you meant to say?
are you ready to give yourself up now?

& echoes of fairy tales you heard when you were
just this age, believe what they're saying to you
believe the sugar water's gonna make it better
believe the leeches will suck the sick from my blood
am i ready to give myself up now?

& you say in the morning
you'll see how everything looks so much better in daylight
it's a sunny day tomorrow
just the kind you'll learn to like
Track Name: overthrown in seconds
& the sky's the wrong color
11:30 is so different from 1 or 2 & it's throwing me off
& babylon's so beautiful, always think i want to live here
then i think of the train ride & how easy it would be
i can't keep making decisions
based on being close to someone
sacrificing what i want to be there

baby misses me tonight, said he wishes i could stay forever
yeah & i don't get it: i am nothing but what i am for others
& i don't wanna talk about it
i am overthrown government
better that he not find out yet

always walking to the car, i feel the map like second skin
but it's a pleasant human moment when you give me bad directions
& i find myself planning
what will just happen to be playing
when i drive you to buy coffee, for me

baby misses me tonight, said she doesn't expect to be lovers
but there's an offer on the table, if i want when i start feeling better
& i don't wanna talk about it
i am overthrown in seconds
better that she not find out yet

so where's the line, my precious line
i think it's time to be straight with you, so i hope you really want me to
but your manner is begging me to lie
i've been dancing, baby, since i started hanging out with you so

if this is me coming clean
then dirty is so relative
i said intent here means nothing
& you misinterpreted
there goes my chance to
gracelessly damn myself for you

baby misses me tonight, if history is any indication
& i can never make it right, only worsen the situation

baby misses me tonight, & i'll never understand completely
'cause there's no room for me in my mind, so to want me is to misread me
& i don't wanna talk about it
writhe around on failed intentions
i am overthrown in seconds
Track Name: you are my sunshine
how can you mean what you sing
when you won't say things to me worth meaning
i struggle to keep up, i try not to earn
your looks of confusion, throughout conversation
i always let you down

& you're my sunshine tonight, & the dark's
where i feel most at home
& i scream & shout just to catch you off guard
in hopes i catch a glimpse of you in the dark
i always say it's because i'm crazy
but i don't really mean it unless you really believe me
i always say things that i never mean
in hopes you see through me

now whose example is that, baby?
you won't let me in again now

& now the night is upon us,
meaning so much more to me than it reasonably should
murky waters & your songs & your kindness are all mixed down to fuck me up
& everyone's falling all over themselves to say nice things to me,
& i don't comprehend it
i always let you down
i always go home let down

now who can live by the skies, baby?
why should i think clouds & stars are enough to fill in happy
in the blanks

i...
you're my sunshine tonight & i am running around with umbrella at ready
whose problem is that; whose problem has any of this ever been really
i always say it's because i'm crazy
but i don't really mean it unless you really believe me
i always say things that i never mean
but these things they get away from me

now whose example is that, baby?
you won't let me in again now...
Track Name: too smart
i'm singing harmonies to an old song,
any old song, it don't matter
thinking of the car, tegan & sara,
& waking up with you hard against me

& the window that i stare at rolls the evening on by
like nothing ever happens & time just passes by
& i'm thinking i have friends here, & these people somewhat know me
& i sidestep conversation so i don't have to feel the truth

i'm too smart to believe
i'm too smart not to see
i'm not too smart to grieve

& the pages of my notebook filling up with my selfishness
& it's true all i could think of was who's gonna make me feel better now?
i know how to get attention now, & it's killing my hope
i know how to be good to you but i don't want to make myself into a chump

i'm too smart to believe
i'm too smart not to see
i'm not too smart to bleed

& i wasn't always crazy; i saw magic in the subways
i saw the best minds of my generation succumb
to numbness & lipstick
to post-feminism
to post-everything

we're too smart to believe
we're too smart to feel free
we're too smart to do a goddamn thing about anything
we take it lying down we take it cracking jokes

& i'm singing harmonies to an old song
any old song it don't matter
thinking of the car, tegan & sara
& waking up next to you

i will call this sentimental
i will write down that i miss you
that's as far as i am willing to go
Track Name: tsunami
if the tsunami were to hit
a year or two from now
me on the road you here at home, i would be orphaned
i would hole up in pittsburgh
california with my last friends
i would be haunted by the ocean

& still alive, i would scatter myself across the sea
in hopes that the particles that once were you & me
would find each other

& on the shores of fire island
i will find religion in your breath
& i won't know how or why or what it means
but it will be all there is for me
& that's why you can't leave
confiscate your car & legs but it wouldn't work

love you so much that it hurts
love you so much that it hurts
love you so much that it hurts

& in the morning, trapped inside our offices like ghosts
cement, across long island, connecting us somehow beneath our feet

if the tsunami were to hit
the middle of last night
so much to lose, so much left undone
but we would be each other's last words
bodies tangled up in the water
trapped inside this room for years
correct for the explorers

love you so much that it hurts
love you so much that it hurts
love you so much that it hurts
Track Name: gray starlight
how does it feel to mean it this time?
desperate today wafts into desperate tonight
oh & there was no "oh, how the years go"
"glad that you're back" on your side
you are distracted & distressed & i am killing-time

& tonight beckons tomorrow night
closer now but without the eye contact
nothing like feeling all right

& while we are on the subject of patterns
why don't i throw off my whole life for you
why don't i just stop thinking, & just give to you
into the morning
& where are my feelings now that i'm home in bed?

& tonight beckons tomorrow night
history i thought i had right
nothing like feeling all right

i'd like to welcome you to your new mythology
'cause you're still mine & i'm still all empathy
& you're feeling so much that there's no room left for me
& you're feeling so much that there's no room left for me

& tonight beckons tomorrow night
closer now but without the fireworks
nothing like feeling all right

tonight beckons tomorrow night
colder now in the gray starlight
nothing like feeling all right
Track Name: sincere
you said I like the middle one best
& I said thank you & your eyes are brown, & I forget what comes next
but unfazed you spend the evening making jokes
comparing different brands of cigarettes & i never tell you that I don't smoke
so now you think i do

& you think i don't mind when you say
that all those boys on the radio need to learn how to play
& you think that your hubris is so justified
'cause you're so indie, you're so undiscovered, you're so male, therefore so self-satisfied

i don't know why you think you can see me through
all of this trying, when i can't see you
& i don't want to change myself for you
but i do & i do & i do & i do & i do

& you say the unadorned human body is such a beautiful thing
yeah, then you snicker, then you make it ugly, & i'm supposed to laugh or something
& you talk about sex like i'm supposed to think i'm weird, so i get
to feel weird for not thinking that you're weird, how fucked up is that, then you offer me a cigarette

i don't know why you think you can see me through
all of this trying, when i can't see you
& i don't want to change myself for you
but i do & i do & i do & i do & i do

& if you like me now, it won't be on my own terms
& when i see you on friday, i'll smile but i won't know half what to say
but something will surely take over, it's dreadful, but i'll sound sincere when i say

yeah, i like your new song a lot
yeah we should do something together sometime, yeah, why the hell not?
& everything everything you've been saying to me so far
has been leading up to this beautiful moment, so free of faux pas
so free of something real

i don't know why you think you can see me through
all of this trying, when i can't see you
& i don't want to change myself for you
but i do & i do & i do & i do & i do

& when i see you on friday, i'll smile but i won't know half what to say
but something will surely take over, it's dreadful, but i'll sound sincere when i say...
Track Name: convenient
why don't you cry about it, always works, i will do anything to fix
lie about it, biggest perk, i am walking benefit of doubt
you want so badly for me to feel the same way you do now &
i know, i know what it is to love to be in someone's presence
& later hate their guts for it

but i know what i am to you
don't think i can't see right through your kindness too
convenient is my middle name

so take me out to dinner i will be touched by the gesture & forget
if i had a problem, do you ever feel like you are
in another country speaking french & every now & then
you think of something that's in english, but it doesn't last for long
so yeah, let's play another couple hands & talk about the hazards of drinking
but i won't actually do any, i don't want to be off my balance with you

'cause i know what our friendship means
i know just how much help a willing ride can be
i already know what you're gonna say, so you don't have to tell me, see
convenient is my middle name

so tell me what has happened
in your own words, in your own words, i wanna know
what you think this means to me &
all it doesn't mean to you, when you say
hey what happened happened & the past is in the past
even five minutes ago, hey ain't that why it's called five minutes ago

when you said baby would you
keep quiet for just five minutes
so i can turn it around so i am the victim
keep quiet for just five minutes
so i can make it so we always were at war with
east asia & always were allied with eurasia
& your nature, baby, makes it easier for me

but i know what i am to you
don't think i can't see right through your kindness too
convenient is my middle name

i will keep quiet so you can have the satisfaction
knowing that this has ended politely
so you can go home & fake admit to your mommy
she was right about me, see

i know what i am to you
don't think i can't see right through your kindness too
i know everything, i know everything, that i do for you
convenient is my middle name
Track Name: this is not a love song
i tuned my guitar down for you
you know i envy your ability to make the whole world disappear, except for you & your song
i envy your ability to speak & act your mind, & play piano like you do, & i
envy your ability to not be afraid of anyone who interests
you & here i am, so lame
writing about you

misha tells me that envy gets me
nowhere, calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do

i must have made you up inside my head, no one who plays that way ever appears near me
if i show up asking who's that jerk playing blackbird it is
only out of some ilk of jealousy, you are playing just for yourself out here
you sound serene, & here i am, so lame
listening for you

oh, i am so not grounded
calm me down, calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do

i want you
i want you wherever you are...
skittish me, this not a love song
this is just a way that i am in
i don't even know what i want

oh, i am so not grounded
calm me down, calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do
& everyone has days like these
calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do
Track Name: pennsylvania
sit, stare at the windshield
dressed to impress
singing to stay sane & drive
like there's no tomorrow
want to go back east
want to spend tonight in pennsylvania with you

but today i am working
not making money
i've given my notice & am
looking for something that's new & yet the same
something with a long drive
singing to stay sane
& drive like there's no tomorrow
want to go back east
want to spend tonight in pennsylvania with you

but you have to study
you have to find a job
just like me, so a trip
is out of the question
& anyway it wouldn't be the same
once we stopped being on our way
cause 80 is my in-between place
it's my getting somewhere
my letting the journey do the thinking for me
& life is just road & arby's fries
that you feed to me
as i drive...

oh, & that's where i was, all this time,
in pennsylvania, i was driving i was driving
conveniently letting it slip my mind
there's more to my life
than interstate 80

& pulled up to my new apartment
made some new friends
took my work home with me & drove
like there was no tomorrow
never knowing why
it was the only time i let myself think
& now, now, you have to study
i have to find a job
but i'll come home tonight, find pennsylvania
with you