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Shadow Work

by rorie kelly

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1.
Put this on a bracelet because the charm is just a memory now I have had all I can take of suffering and sacrifice now I am not helping one single being when I count myself out I am not doing myself a service when I push it all down CHORUS: Goodbye I'm letting go Help me be brave 'cause I don't know Anything for certain anymore But I know some things are worth it: being scared for I'm letting go I'm letting go I'm letting go I'll let you know I'll let you know I'll let you know... How it goes Now the moon is full again and this time I have done my homework Seems like I am always saying no but at the end of the day I don't know how to say just what is I need to throw away Or what I will replace it with so I stay and stay and stay CHORUS Goodbye to the anxious feeling that I have to be predictable comprehensible to everybody But me, Goodbye to believing overwork is the only way to get there I am living at a deficit, goodbye Goodbye to believing I'll be free in one more year, twelve more months biding time until the stories get thin enough to let me out magic moments never come so fine I'll make the magic myself CHORUS
2.
I never wanna be under your protection again, The kind of protection that bends people to your will I never wanna fold into nothing again, or have to pretend, that I'm not who I am CHORUS: Crack, boom Steal all my color leave me standing here black and white Crack, boom The only time I ever went down without a fight Black and white black and white I'm sick of the repercussions in my mind, who am I If I don't have to fight I stood for myself and what I knew was right, but inside You stayed in my mind CHORUS I don't wanna know I don't wanna know what came Scratching at my window tonight I don't wanna run I don't wanna run I don't wanna run but I really don't wanna fight I don't wanna the meaning behind those red red eyes I don't wanna be a killer just to stay alive CHORUS
3.
Lying Streak 04:00
I try to put my heart in it but I just end up feeling stupid I think that I was meant to be a weird old cat lady I try to let go and just be myself Has anyone ever found that helpful, I don’t Even know who the real me is these days CHORUS: I’m on a lyin streak I didn’t mean to be I’m hiding I’m hiding I’m hiding Everything about the real me Real me I try to tell you who I am but it just ends up getting twisted You walk away thinking something that was never what I meant It was never my idea to go in any closets People just stuff you in there in tight storage boxes I fight my way out again and again and still you think it was me who was confused CHORUS This isn’t really my life, people make me nervous This isn’t my real world, this is just a stepping stone I build my life on truth, still I put on a mask every day Only until I am strong enough, brave enough to go it alone CHORUS
4.
Let You Down 03:17
You wanted the conversation to be easier on me You envisioned a rosier history for me and my family And I didn't want to let you down, no I didn't want to let you down, no I didn't want to let you down by telling you the truth I've not walked the usual path and I have not regretted that But just by going differently so many strangers have misread me I do not attack your ways just by choosing my own I do not eschew company, I just find myself alone And I didn't mean to let you down, no I didn't mean to let you down, no I didn't mean to let you down but don't twist my words around Don't say the parts that you don't like are not the real me I am finished shielding you from what you don't wish to see So that you can feel more comfortable around me, go ahead And be uncomfortable, it never killed anybody Morning comes and I feel crazy, but I am so over assimilating Your sarcastic punishments of my and others differences Have been dismissed, I wish you well but not so well That I'll continue to let you put me and others through hell I'm ready now to let you down and I'm ready now to let you down and I'm ready now to let you down, so don't come back around Please enjoy your normalcy, feel free to speak unkindly of me 'Cause it says more of you than it will ever say of me
5.
there are times when she knows that this life is not enough and all the dull platitudes in the world can't make it so working hard every day for the bills she still can't pay she RPGs late at night into someone else's life CHORUS when's it gonna be my turn? when's it gonna turn around? when am i gonna wake up happy, knowing what i found when's it gonna turn around? when's it gonna be my turn? when am i gonna wake up smiling, knowing what i learned and she lays out the cards to see how the day will be and she turns with a sigh, it's another one of these but the wind blows strong now, and she knows it's only time just a matter of time until she spreads her wings and flies CHORUS when's it gonna be my turn? when's it gonna turn around? when am i gonna wake up happy, knowing what i found when's it gonna turn around? when's it gonna be my turn? when am i gonna wake up smiling, knowing what i learned and she lays her head tonight, and she knows it's still not time and she dreams with the power of a phoenix in flames and she thinks she begins to understand what she has inside it's not a thing to disavow, it's not to fix, it's not to tame CHORUS get ready for the rest of your life
6.
i like to learn from my mistakes but i don't like to think about them you live sometimes in your regret, but i just lock mine away in a deep dark cave what shadow self am i creating anger and humiliation the only thing that saves me from her coming for me is is she's lazy CHORUS: you've seen so much of me and you still love me, and you still love me you've seen so much of me and you still love me, and you still love me you like the deck stacked in your favor i don't think you realize how much you lucked out with me 'cause i will beg and i will plead, i will fight and I will scream but i will never ever leave when i commit i commit, it is built into my skin, it is part of being me CHORUS i know it's not easy we both need the things we need but every single morning we try again, we try again the best hug i ever had was the morning after my birthday i was so hungover and i'd hurt you so much & you took care of me you just held me and you held me, there is one way that you're like me, when you commit, you commit CHORUS i know it's not easy you still love me, you still love me but every single morning you still love me, you still love me
7.
What We Get 03:41
it's time for a new voice it's time for a new moon it's time to stop waiting for the old men to make room it's time to pass the flame and use the candle offered to burn down the gallows and the stocks no i don't believe without prisons we will monsters be and if you do it says more of you than of me and you say you want to see order restored but i know it means that you don't wanna have to hear it anymore you say that it's about respect as the cop kneels on his neck and if we can't keep a civil tone we deserve what we get we deserve what we get we deserve what we get we deserve what we get you come with your half truths and just like the half moon the light and the shadows make nightmares fill the room it's time to turn the lights on 'cause we can't see the truth if we're too scared to move i won't heed the cries of these privileged men so scandalized there's no time to argue just call a lie a lie and you say that you want civility restored but i know it means that you don't wanna have to hear it anymore the water still runs poisonous in flint and you change the subject for you it's academic, you just like to play devil's advocate and we get what we get and we get what we get and we get what we get
8.
This Girl 03:15
Sorry but the schedule's full right now Sorry but we found somebody else Sorry but we can't afford to pay you tonight Sorry had to cancel I hope it's all right I'm so far from all right I've come out the other side CHORUS And this girl won't back down, won't back down This girl won't back down, oh This girl won't back down, won't back down This girl won't back down, oh Sorry if it really went down like that, I had no idea I guess it must have been painful for you I guess you're OK now I guess i gotta suck it up and press on I guess I'll be all right I guess the nightmares will remind me that I got to the other side 'Cause I can't live inside the past, the time just goes so fast CHORUS I learned you get punished for sticking out I learned to be strong and never shut my mouth I learned the resistance is fuel I won't let you make me a fool I'll use the resistance as fuel I'll use the resistance as fuel I'll use the resistance as fuel I'll use the resistance as fuel CHORUS
9.
Up From Here 04:01
Shall we talk about the loss of tiny objects Very small specific parts, without which nothing can be fixed Shall we talk about mercury retrograde, it's totally cool I love to put the past in perspective! But now that we are back in the present Everything in my life seems to be broken Shall we talk about my psychological state Let's not play with fire here, it's already been a long day CHORUS: You cannot be serious The way you're jerking me around This bad luck is hilarious 'Cause you can't keep this fucker down You can't keep this fucker down Shall we talk about guitars and cars and bank accounts It's a Russian roulette! Where will the problem be today! I am one headlight short of a bright outlook That's not a metaphor! I hope I don't get pulled over! Anyway I'll count my lucky stars that I am good in a crisis And I'll thank the universe for giving me so much practice CHORUS Don't threaten me with a good time I wouldn't know what to do with it Everything will be just fine As soon as I find my keys and my wallet, I can only go up from here I can only go up, up I can only go up from here I can only go up, up CHORUS
10.
I have a thing for liminal spaces I get stuck inside them for ages When you observe a particle the particle changes But no one's understanding when I change too, if you're lookin I had a book of dreams on my nightstand I always thought that I'd come back for it I had to prove that I could make rent I had to prove I could do it my way If you'd just believed me the first time, it wouldn't have been so hard for me Where are the moon sisters I was promised Where is the music monk I never got to be 'Cause I got stuck chasin' love from somebody 'Cause I got stuck having to chase money I have a thing for piano players I try to learn from the things I am drawn to I try to learn why the moth inside me likes this particular flame So I don't get burned again I have a notebook, so many it's embarrassing I have a lot to say for someone so quiet everyone thinks that I'm a stuck up bitch until they get to know me And by the time they get to know me I'm attached even if it's wrong Where is the knight of cups I was promised I went all in and I got was this lousy discernment 'Cause I got stuck chasing love from somebody 'Cause I got stuck having to chase money It's too late now You can never take it back It's too late now You can never get the years back Too late now And the future looks exhausting Where are the good hearted but broken people Feel myself changing into something I don't like 'Cause I got stuck chasin love from somebody 'Cause I got stuck having to chase money I have a thing for liminal spaces. (Ahhhhhh) I get stuck inside them for ages When you observe a particle the particle changes I can barely recognize the particle I've become

credits

released March 19, 2021

Written By: Rorie Kelly
Produced By Kevin Kelly & Rorie Kelly

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rorie kelly New York

rorie kelly is on a quest to bring her songs to ears around the world through the cunning use of the internet and a small blue Toyota with over 200,000 miles on it.

rorie writes songs that are melodic and catchy but more thoughtful and introspective than the average pop tune. Her vocals are bigger than you would expect out of her small body and her guitar playing is powerful and percussive.
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